Doe, a Dear

As my post on Remembrance is pushed off the page, I have placed another piece of music on the left. Those who know my musical tastes know that I love medleys – playing them, making them, and listening to them. Well, this piece is not really a medley in the regular sense; it's more like variations on the spiritual/folk/campfire song, Kum Ba Yah (or Kumbaya), played in the setting of some of the more inspiring music of our time.

Finding inspiration can often be a difficult task; certain things require a certain mood, a specific place, a particular person – to get the ink flowing, to start the music playing. Used in psychological development as well as in writing practices, a common technique is free, or continuous, writing. This is when you have a pencil in hand, paper in front – and you write and write and write – non-stop. There is no need for corrections, only a need to fill up space, as the writer may stray off topic as much as they wish. If you can't think of anything, then write about how you can't think of anything, until something comes along.

It is a good practice. Personally, I have adapted this technique for the piano as well – usually when I find myself most stressed, or perhaps I just need to take a break from calculus (likely 'cause its stressful). To sit down on the bench and play. And play and play and play. To keep the fingers dancing, the notes flowing – until I feel ready to start differentiating again, or until my sister yells down the stairs, "It's midnight, stop playing, I need to sleep!" … it's quite often the latter.

But even in this free thought – unbound to direction – anything from Bach's Toccata and Fugue in D-minor to Hammerstein's The Sound of Music, from this note to articles submitted to local magazines; thoughts need to be inspired. To everyone, this is different. However, I would like to share a passage from an analysis for specific personality types that I have indicated beforehand. I don't think I have anything to hide here – I'm classified as an INFJ (Introversion, iNtuition, Feeling, Judging).

"INFJs may be attracted to writing as a profession, and often they use language which contains an unusual degree of imagery. They are masters of the metaphor, and both their verbal and written communications tend to be elegant and complex. Their great talent for language usually is directed toward people, describing people and writing to communicate with people in a personalized way. INFJs who write comment often that they write with a particular person in mind; writing to a faceless, abstract audience leaves them uninspired."

I have to strongly agree with that last point. I find the target audience to be extremely crucial to anything I write, and the following is a passage from an article written last year for the Together, the local newsletter for the Taiwanese Canadian Association in Toronto:

"In the bliss of summer vacation, writing an article certainly brings back school memories. While reminiscing, my creepy English teacher whispers into my ear, "When writing, always consider your target audience." I realized that this article, along with my last article, targets the next generation – and chances are, that if you are a Canadian born Taiwanese, you didn't pick this up on your own. In fact, chances are that you're either: A) 1st generation Taiwanese, wondering why Together would include such a poorly structured article, or B) the next generation, holding this in your hand, because I told your parents to pass my message on."

Even to the extent of the above article – I did have a specific person, or a handful of people in mind when I wrote this. And when I do write – whether an email or these blog posts that are seriously just too long, there is often someone there. Truth be told, it's often a different person, perhaps maybe seen in my change of tone for many of these posts, but I would like you to know, that as my fingers dance across these keys, whether the plastic ones that click-clack away as I type, or those 88 keys that are ever so inviting at 1:52 am, this really is often, inspired by you – hence these five syllables that govern this page.

I hope I can inspire you to write as well – I love to read just as much as I love to write – and to quote The Sound of Music, "Let's start at the very beginning / A very good place to start". And when writing to a particular person in mind – whether or not it is physically written onto the paper, there's often a whisper of, "Dear ____"…

And from the very start, I begin with that blank sheet of paper or that silent room, and from that first C-chord that starts off Let it Be, to that final "do[e]" that concludes What a Wonderful World, the inspiration sings throughout. And to whoever this may concern – from that day I said this was Yet.to.be.Titled – I've given it a name =).

Free Body Diagrams!

Pressure. Google defines pressure (yes, Google has replaced my Oxford, as well as dictionary.com =P) as the force asserted on a unit area of surface, measured in Pascals. For the engineers out there, pressure is extremely important; how much pressure can the bridge withstand? How much pressure will this bottle need to undertake? What air pressure must be maintained in an aircraft? Now, after years of schooling and training, building comprehensive and mathematical skills – conduct the experiments, collect the data, apply your formulas, and we've got our magical number in Pascals. If only all types of pressure could be measured with SI units.

How much pressure do unions need to force upon a city to strike a deal? How much peer pressure must a student withstand before falling into drugs or bad decisions? How much pressure do citizens apply upon their government officials before their ideas are pressed through?

Perhaps in this world that is leaning towards reducing that human touch and much needed eye-to-eye communication with increased modernization, technology, and [anti]social networking sites – someday there will be some magical computer algorithm that can "solve" our problems with ease and efficiency by calculating and utilizing just the right amount of pressure.

Really? Holding a city of 2.5 million people hostage for sick days? What about the pressure from threats of nuclear war? Hundreds to thousands of missiles? Or signing one of the thousands of petition letters [warning: opens a file (pro-Taiwan, naturally)] to pressure a government to take action?

Maybe a calculator would solve our problems. But that solution seems to be very much like the "Bigger Pie" theory [yes, first the physics reference, now the bio]. The theory that the solution to our human carrying capacity limits and issues like world hunger will be solved by our increased technology to, i.e. produce more food, thus extending the carrying capacity, thus increasing the threat of problems, i.e. food shortage, which will be appropriately solved by implementing more technology that we would have developed by then. And the cycle goes on and on.

Looking at a list of examples that are running through my mind, as well as decisions in my life, maybe it's a time for a different approach. So many decisions and so many results are… as a result of, a push. And often, it is a negative push – a threat, a fear, an ultimatum.

After all, a force is defined as a push or a pull. Floating in space – a push can have such a dramatic influence on our direction. It can lead us – in any direction in this ever-expanding universe. But there is always a pull – perhaps gravity, or maybe that tugging force on our hearts and our minds, leading us to our goals, too often quieted by the pushes and conflict that surround our lives. In this mess of forces – pushes and pulls – this complex free body diagram, where is our net force pointing to?

But just like the Earth's gravity, once we are headed in the right direction – that pull becomes stronger and stronger, until one day, we fall into our goals, our dreams, to realize… well, I don't know that yet. I guess it is a process of always learning more, and I rather honestly stop before I start making up stuff =D. But I will end off with a two quotes from a book I have been reading recently:

"It is the search that gives meaning to any find" "One often has to travel a long way in order to arrive at what is near." All the Names, José Saramago

Revealing the Harmonies

Many of our high school teachers have recommended that we all take a psychology course, at some point in our lives. I completely agree. Unfortunately, my schedule next year does not permit any space for psychology – though I will put an effort to include it as a part of my discoveries in years to come.

Joey introduced me to this word a couple months ago, and personally, it's become one of my favourite words – introspection. It is the process of self-observation and analysis of one's own thoughts and feelings. And though we may all differ on the extent we practice introspection – we all take part from time to time, and it is a part of reflection, self growth, and personal identity.

However, introspection has its limits; naturally, analysis on oneself can have many potentially flaws, such as bias, fallacies, and just, incorrect interpretations – to the extent that one has to justify, or introspect, their introspections…; well, that just gets a little too complicated. Overthinking =D

And that brings us to why we study psychology, or why people see psychologists. To see and learn from a more systematic, experienced, and more knowledgeable take on why we think what we think. Another branch leads us into tests – to discover the meaning behind one's thoughts, and validity of certain statements, and the characterization of one's personality.

Last summer [2008] at Shad UNB, I was introduced to the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, a personality assessment test partially based on the works of Carl Jung. There are tests available online, though they are not official; the assessment can be done clinically through the official tests – there will be opportunities to take these throughout your life.

Of course, one can also look on their own thoughts and self-assess their own types. I am not here to give a lecture on how the MBTI works; that's what Wikipedia is for. However, in the bliss of summer, and if you're feeling a little low on productivity (well, you're reading this, and I'm writing this – maybe we've got nothing better to do =P), doing a little work on your own analysis and discovery of MBTI would be my prescription (besides creating a little music, of course). And feel free to try those online tests [see links on the bottom of the Wikipedia page on MBTI), though they aren't the best.

Once you've discovered or found your own type, read about it. See if anything clicks, whether anything seems to describe you, better than you could yourself. If so – you've likely got a match. If not, then maybe keep working on it. This may not be the most accurate method, but you'll have launched yourself into self-discovery, and what could be better than that? Have Fun!

I Spy

"I spy four fish, three red and one green, A box and a pencil, fingerprints on your screen;

A thought and a poem, a gentle haiku, Words that subdue, break through, and ring true."

I made two New Year's Resolutions this year – 206 days later, I wonder how well I followed them. The first was to stay more organized... [hopefully leading to earlier sleep]... hmmmmmmm. The second? To read more novels.

Well, I began this year in a last minute frenzy to find and read a "life-impacting" novel for a question on the Mac Artsci supplementary application. Thank you Jennifer for suggesting José Saramago's "Blindness", one of the Nobel-laureate's more famous novels, characterized by his writing style, which I find very interesting, as his sentences stretch long distances as he uses sparsely placed periods, with ideas and dialogue flowing without stop while expressing some of the most difficult, oppressive thoughts and instincts that govern human nature, and in this near horror-tragedy where a case of complete "white-blindness" pandemic spreads across the nation, he expresses our deep and darkest thoughts as he leaves humans to cope - socially, mentally, and physically – in this dark, cruel, world.

Many would agree that Saramago's "Blindness" is not an easy read; with the disturbing imagery and dark themes that underlay the pages – but it is one book I would recommend [especially over the summer; personally, I'm picking up more of his novels] – as these harsh realities paint a perceived picture of the world we live in now – blindness.

I am not one to often refer to the world as a harsh reality; and don't take me wrong – I'm not. The pains and the imagery in the book are not to be taken literally, of course – but in Saramago's powerful allegories, the blindness encases and shadows our world – whether we live in a happy-go-lucky mood, or live in paranoia.

For all the scientists, biologists, and researchers out there – what would you say your most important tool is? I would argue, the microscope – it has allowed us to discover cells and microorganisms, and has led us to the development of more theoretical and practical medicines. But before we can see anything or observe our specimen, we must focus the lens – or else, we're blind to whatever we're looking for. Choosing the right lens and using that fine knob to adjust our vision is crucial for any progress or discovery. I believe that this is the fundamental cause of human blindness – we are searching for the light, for our discovery, for our goals – but we're too often out of focus.

This is marked everywhere. Half the time we fail to see the big picture; in the other half, we miss the details. As a tutor and as a student, this is why we often miss the point, or miss the marks. To study a novel down to its words can lose the value of its themes; to view the general plot of a novel ignores the style of the author used to produce a profound message. To study every math problem to the pencil mark allows students to memorize moves without understanding the fundamentals; to only read the formulas can lead to huge misconceptions and calculation flaws when the test comes along.

Politicians land themselves in the same dilemma. Huge decisions, small decisions; unions and governments; staff and citizens – all have different views and options. Perhaps some unions these days are too stubborn over the minor details, and fail to communicate because they fail to see the larger picture. Perhaps those government officials that make big decisions too often miss the minorities and the less fortunate in an overall desperate effort to boost the economy.

And then the hours spent at the library with Scholastic's I-Spy books – searching for symbols and knick-knacks listed in a rhyming puzzle, found in a mess of pictures and colours. Sometimes we look too much at the general picture, and fail to find our goals; other times, our close-detail scrimmaging loses the theme of the picture, and takes so long that the value of finding the treasure, the picture, is lost.

Too often we're just simply – out of focus – and our eyes, our thoughts, our values – are out of perspective, and blind. Perhaps the greatest danger is that we do not believe we are blind – and that we pretend to know, to understand. But what happens when there is a greater force out there, one that can see - just like in Saramago's novel? What happens when we admit we are blind – what is there left to do? Should we listen? What do you hear?

Strive for the Light

The last week, the last day - has been a whirlwind of thought, of memories, of emotions; of great times, great people, great passions. And with a personal habit, for better or for worse, I tend to love a peaceful, quite atmosphere where I can reflect and psychoanalyze anything that comes to mind - to the extent that I've just left the words "lost in thoughts" as my personal message which I likely will remove soon after writing this note.

Thus, I find myself in perhaps my favourite spot in the house - sitting on the piano bench. It's not necessarily the piano; this happens to also be the most well lit room in the house - with two large windows right beside the piano enlightening the room with the pouring sunlight.

Perhaps it's my favourite place because of the sounds of the loud ticking clocks that I tend to favour - coupled with my own, loud ticking watch, that remind me that time goes on, and we move forward. Perhaps it's that metronome that sits atop the piano as a reminder that life, like music, is a mix of emotions, mood, and tempo.

And definitely, the support of the piano stool; sure, it has no backrest, no arm rests - but it has provided all the lift and push from that young day, near 12 years ago, when I first sat in front of this portal, this gateway - 88 keys of pure, wonderful, escape.

Sitting in my own Room of Inspiration - full of light and often filled with music, I realize that I often spend my time... looking down. Looking down at my fingers, the ivory keys (well, not really ivory), and even looking down at this notebook of "crazy thoughts" that I have started writing in. I don't really know what all this looking down means, besides building a high probability of arthritis in later years... I'm not a psychologist (though I may need one some day =P), but it does remind me of something...

I move upstairs to my room, lay on my bed, and look up at the windowsill; my newly acquired "night-market" miniature pet turtle, somewhat appropriately named Bubble Tea, is currently on an eleven day fast. Why? I don't know, and I do honestly wish he (or she) would eat... but there's one thing I notice: the sun is out, and so is Bubble Tea - neck extended, and head pulled as high as the little turtle could muster - towards the light... looking up.

Light is a wonderful thing; as God said, "Let there be Light!" So much the fusion that ignites the sun and brightens our little solar system - but ever more the perfect distance, perfect atmosphere, and perfect magnetic field, that keeps this beautiful planet sustainable for an ever larger miracle - you and me.

We want to live in the light, walk in the light, and aim for the light, as we aim to enlighten ourselves. This is so fundamental to our very nature. To nearly every creature on Earth - the sun, this light, is vital to any sense of life. And I believe it's worth so much more than it's importance for the energy cycle; we strive for the light.

Which makes me wonder - what would is Bubble Tea living in? Is he (or she) basking in the light merely to sustain his cold-blooded body - or is he (or she) too, seeking a greater truth outside that plastic container, those manufactured pellets (that he doesn't eat), and Lego slide?

Perhaps he's moved on to a greater level of thinking, a newer approach of light. And I'm not referring to the fact that the visible spectrum of turtles are different than our own. As the turtle stares out that window that lets in our light, he is out into his world of thought.

Another source of inspiration and knowledge are in the words of the great musicians:

"Imagine no possessions... no need for greed, or hunger"...

How many times do we need to look out the window to see the light?

I have no answers, but as I return to the piano bench, with the music of John Lennon on the stand in front of me, the church hymnbooks within reach, stacked on the piano to my left, and Beethoven's sonatas in the drawer on my right, I really do think to myself, "What a Wonderful World".

All the best, to Strive for the Light!

a Cultured Thought, a Glance Backwards

Remembrance. It is such an important and significant part of our lives.
We are constantly memorizing and learning new things – to retain this new information in our ongoing growth and development – whether we use it later on a test, in our work, for trivia purposes =D, in a conversation – everything we do is built upon our previous memories and knowledge.

As humans – we have developed a "civilization" and a "culture" – and a strong element of this lies in Remembrance. We remember our history, our wars, our elders, our leaders, our soldiers, our loved ones – as we remember what they have done for the progress of humankind – as we ourselves learn and remember more, and more.

There are certain days of the year that we dedicate to remembrance – of course, Remembrance Day, as well as Canada Day, Victoria Day, Christmas, and Easter, and countless others. Often on these days, people get together, and share their joys and tears for the successes as well as the bloodshed in the history that has so remarkably shaped our world.

But perhaps remembrance is most significant when we stand and look back, and look at our own growth, as a person, and as a community of friends, mentors, and family – a smile breaks through as a tear escapes from our eyes, and we are in wonder.

The awe of the years that have passed, and the wonder that lies ahead.
What lies around. What lies above. What lies within.

There's been one song that has been playing in my mind for a while now. Below are the lyrics, and as of July 18, 2009 – a music player on the bottom. The music file uses Try to Remember, sung by The Brothers Four in 1965. The song lyrics themselves start after the piano expresses itself for one verse.

Oh, and in September – how things have changed.
Looking back at 18 years, "when life, was slow, and oh, so mellow"
I can only just begin wondering on what lies ahead =)
All we can do, is follow… follow… follow… follow…


Try to Remember; lyrics by Tom Jones
Try to remember – the kind of September
When life, was slow, and oh, so mellow.
Try to remember – the kind of September
When grass, was green, and grain, was yellow.
Try to remember – the kind of September
When you were a tender and callow fellow,
Try to remember – and if you remember then follow, follow...

Try to remember – when life was so tender
That no one wept, except the willow.
[Try to remember – when life was so tender that
Dreams were kept, beside your pillow.]
Try to remember – the kind of September when
Love was an ember, about to billow.
Try to remember – and if you remember then follow, follow…

Deep in December – it's nice to remember
Although, you know, the snow, will follow.
[Deep in December – it's nice to remember
Without, the hurt, the heart, is hollow.]
Deep in December – it's nice to remember
The fire of September, that made us mellow.
Deep in December our hearts should remember –
and follow, follow, follow…


*note, the lines in square brackets are in the original lyrics, but not in version sung by The Brothers Four in the song file.

Your Key – Part Two

As the summer continues, day by day it seems more difficult to meet up with friends – whether they're moving, working, travelling, summer school-ing, or meeting up with other friends made at the workplace, summer programs, and university. And from this, we see just another sliver of the world of opportunities that lie around us, as we continually grow and take these opportunities.

And thus I continue that note I left unfinished a while ago – about our doors, and our opportunities; where ultimately, our path and life is determined by the choices we make. We spend our lives seeking these opportunities, but that analogy of doors has a second problem.

In this world full of open doors, not only cannot we not enter each and every one of them – doors close. I know I'm being contradictory to my usual tone; whatever happened to "The Door is Always Open"? But I suppose this is where my optimism turns – that moment in our journey when we're cruising along through life and we hit a roadblock. That second we realize something's missing, something's wrong.

Closure. Like when you arrive 5 minutes for a concert and the doors are locked. Like that university rejection. Like being kicked out of a club. Like when the bank refused to give you a loan you so desperately need. Like when that special someone locks you out of their life. Like when you lose someone close and you're left in your own world.

But if you have that clear set goal in front of you, that dream to pursue accompanied by that never faltering determination – you will live a life of open doors. Not that it has to be an easy walk through – an open door can feel like a closed one – but it is an opportunity nonetheless. And I believe it's through the toughest opportunities we take that truly define our character. That's where our most fulfilling accomplishments are found.

However, just as we seek opportunity, I believe we seek closure. And there are those times in life where we have got to close doors before we can step forward. It is because we humans can be such doubtful creatures, unsure of ourselves and unsure of our surroundings. And it's because of this uncertainty, we spend so much of our lives circling around. I'm not saying we don't learn anything while we are stuck in our doubts, but sometimes we just can't move forward until we meet up with that dreaded closure.

This can be closing the door on temptations that direct us away from our goals. It can be closing that door behind us so that we can keep moving forward in our lives. It can be closing the door of an event, an incident, a person, or a part of ourselves – before we allow ourselves to move on.

We are doubtful creatures. That's because we know that things are wrong and things are right. And also because we can choose between things that are wrong, and things that are right. And thus, we – ourselves – can be wrong or right. Despite all our other human blindness – we have this knowledge, and with this knowledge, this sight – we are [temporarily] left in a world with all these endless doors and opportunities.

And what do we seek? Direction. We are constantly looking for direction – and through Google Maps, our peers, our family, our heart, and our determination, and a Guide that leads us from beyond this world of opportunities – we can push ourselves beyond our blindness and towards the light.

Direction creates our paths, our lives – and it's about moving forward: we've got to make decisions, and similarly, we've got to close doors. But closed doors can lead to new opportunities, and in this maze of opportunity – just remember, you've got the key.

Tip of the Trash-rink

My sister's a big fan of that gum... Wrigley's 5 Gum. It has the slogan, "stimulate your senses", thus, its name. I happened to be chewing a piece Saturday afternoon, on the way to one of Toronto's temporary dump sites.

Which sense was most disturbing was hard to decide - the stench, the ruined taste of the gum, or the sights - piling heaps of garbage, and just the glimpse of the line of cars heading towards the dump site [yup, including myself] contributing to growing problem as dump sites fill, and new ones open.

Many of us have relived some of our childhood memories and games recently - whether at the playground or playing pick-up sticks =P. One game that [unfortunately] seems to stick with us throughout all our lives is the blame game. I avidly follow cbc.ca/news, and it's interesting / disappointing (depending on my mood, perhaps) to watch the commenters bicker and point their finger at whoever they believe is guilty of the mess.

I suppose it's felt like a Year of the Strikes, and this Toronto Labour Strike is just one of the disputes that seem have disturbed the lives of Torontonians. Within minutes of another new article, a comment war continues with netizens blaming the unions, and the same argument accusing the government.

I've gotten used to these arguments, and before I move on in this note - I guess I'll give a bit of a personal opinion. It's easy to blame the Union - especially in a time like this, with most people losing their jobs; anger spurs when 24 000 people are sent out to strike over an issue such as the transferability of sick days. Then again, it's just as easy to blame the government for letting this problem get out of hand. It's all a big mess - but just like the recent videos of the Canadian Senate establish - the main conflict lies in the front line of the discussion table, that simple lack of respect, and the need for eye-to-eye communication. But I appreciate this system of discussion - to bring to the table the needs and rights, as well as responsibilities of the people; it's just that too often, the table isn't that fair "Round Table" that we would like, but filled with disrespectful and dictator-like individuals that corrupt the functionality of all those sitting at the table.

But you know, this is simply a small problem compared to the larger problem that we're trying to mask, trying to hide - as we sweep our troubles under the rug.

In this case, where the trouble is our garbage, and our rug is this beautiful earth, this living carpet that we continue to defile with our waste, our toxins, and our consumerism.

Take a look. Visit a dumpsite. And just imagine the large piles of garbage that we produce daily. The Christie Pits dumpsite have already closed - within days, the local neighbourhood filled up the outdoor skating rink, and now they have to open new dump sites. Those nearby are protesting along with the CUPE strikers - because of the stench and the sights that have ruined a beautiful city park. Oh, and now they have to get the entire trash rink sprayed with pesticides because of a pest infection. Hmmm.

And so, instead of sweeping the trash under the rug for once, this short strike [well, that's what I'm hoping for... though two weeks in, it's hard to say "short" anymore] has allowed the peak of that trash to surface. Now, the Titanic has showed us the fate of luxury heading towards the peak of our troubles - and I would hope we can start to turn the ship around.

But at least in the present time, it's clear what we've been doing. We're back to the blame game; whether it's the developed countries or the developing countries, the consumer or the industry, the government or the businesses, the Liberals or the Conservatives, the city or the province, whatever. However, in this ship - there is no captain, because the fate of all of us on Earth is the same, and thus, responsibility should be shared. I am not saying that some people do have more people than others, countries with more influence than others - but without eye-to-eye communication at the same level - we're not going to get this done.

And ultimately, the guilt is more overpowering than the stench. I'm just wondering how long it'll take before we can even start to realistically take action to turn this ship around. I'm just wondering when we'll be able to see each other as human beings on this planet, in the global village with a global crisis - and realize the responsibilities that lie in everyone's hands.

We are the World. We are the Children.
But that doesn't mean we should act like children.

And that goes to everyone. Politicians and citizens, businessmen and consumers alike. 

Everyone. 

You and Me.

Our Home and Native Land

Today marks 142 years since Confederation, this true north Strong and Free.
Happy Canada Day!

I am just going to say that this is such a wonderful place - there is not any other place in the world - that I would dedicate and commit my life to, and I feel that everytime I do return from a trip outside of our beautiful nation, that even when I do love the world surrounding, I come back with an even stronger love for this country - its people, its nature, its culture, its life.

And wow am I proud, glad, and smiling when I see that flag raised, our national anthem sung, and our sports teams slaughtered [=P... kidding, I think... and except Hockey!!!] - and to go out into the world and say,

I am Canadian.
I am Taiwanese-Canadian.

And the great thing is that being Canadian allows us to share so much with each other, and with the others in the world. And in this great salad bowl, we can always keep our own culture as well - our ideas and our individual selves, and that's what builds this great, great nation. O Canada, we stand on guard for thee =D.